Dear Facebook,
You’re probably expecting another “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup letter. I’ve seen quite a few of them recently. This is a breakup letter, but…well, it really is you. You’re the problem in this relationship and honestly, I’m tired of you yanking my chain; the chain connected to my heart and mind.
You share your heart warming stories and funny pictures. You tell me what’s going on in the world and my community. I feel connected and in the know. And then you sucker punch my heart, mind and soul with some gruesome news story, nasty stream of comments or opinions that don’t even make sense once I dissect them. I’ve tried to defend you in my mind, “But there is some good, true and beautiful,” I naively tell myself. But the bad, false and grotesque, well even a little poison mixed with something good is still poison.
Here’s one of our problems; I think I spend more time thinking about you then you do about me. Basically, I’m more invested in this relationship and I’m beginning to see I’m just one of many to you. You encourage me to share what’s on my heart—you ask, “What’s on your mind?” But I wonder if you even care or listen, much less consider my thoughts and words. You seem to get around and ask that question to a lot of people. On the other hand, what you share with me, I really consider. Sometimes I think I consider it too much. And by the time I’ve processed what you’ve shared with me, you’ve moved on.
Here’s another problem, I don’t believe we’re on the same page when it comes to friends. I’ve read in some notes from my Father, “…let your advisers be one in a thousand.” (Sirach 6:6) Wow, only 1 in 1,000. Based on that alone, I know we’re on a different page. You sure let the advice fly! It doesn’t even have to be good or true.
Also, your friendships seem to be based on quantity, not quality. My Father also said, “When you gain a friend, gain him through testing, and do not trust him hastily.” (Sirach 6:7) I know I’ve definitely thrown this advice out the window too many times. Sometimes I think we’re a couple of toddlers on the playground who meet and immediately declare we’re friends…even though we don’t really know each other. It also seems like too many of our friends say what they want, when they want without regard for truth, kindness or necessity. I mean honestly, it seems like some of them talk just to hear themselves talk. I don’t think many of them care what they say, they just want to feel like they’re being heard. I also think others pick fights for sport. I’m shaking my head here because as I write this, I’m wondering why I ever considered this a healthy relationship.
So yeah, this is a break up letter. I’ll still be around sharing the good, true and beautiful on my end. But I won’t be listening to you anymore. I’m not even going to pay attention to you. I hope I’ve explained why it is you and not me. For too long I’ve seriously thought it was me. I thought maybe I was too sensitive or too conservative or too prude or too melancholic. Maybe I am all those things. And if there is something I need to change, I just don’t feel like you have my best interests at heart to help me make any of those changes.
Even though I’m breaking up with you, I’ll still be around. See, this breaking up isn’t a run away and hide in the closet with a gallon of ice cream breakup. No, this breakup is “I’m no longer letting you lead me.” I’m not letting you lead my moods, opinions or self esteem anymore. I’ve cleaned out all your worthless junk thanks to my friend F.B. Purity. I’ve taken away your ability to tell me who or what I can see. Your so called “suggestions” or “recommendations” were really just you trying to control the relationship–trying to control me. I’ve also gotten rid of a bunch of common friends that weren’t really friends , o begin with, more like followers. We only liked each other to be liked more by you. Again, one of your control tactics.
Now the really awkward part, how do I end this letter? I mean do I say something profound like “Stay gold?” Or something flippant like, “See ya around?” Or “It’s been fun.” Something funny like, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you?” Or do I just encourage you? “You know, you really have the power to make a huge difference in lives. You have the means to encourage others on a wide scale; I’m talking globally! You can connect people through noble ideas and inspire people to be their very best selves. You can bring people together to serve each other in love. But first you have to decide that’s your goal. See, I’ve decided that is my goal. I’ve realized you’re distracting me from that goal. Maybe instead of ‘goal’ I should say ‘purpose.'”
In parting, let me ask you, “What’s your purpose?”
The “airbrush” quality of Facebook friend’s lives can leave you feeling down about yourself if you are unaware of this aspect. It is convenient at times, yes, but contributes to my overall complaint about technology contributing to less intimacy in relationships and oddly more of an alone feeling. It’s comparison, not familiarity, that breeds contempt.
Yes to all of the above–the good and the not so good.
I have also thought the same thing. But all my family lives in different states an it is very easy to see what is going on with there family’s. And only through Facebook did I find my Aunts and uncle and cousins after 30 yrs. so like everything moderation.
Marcie
And see, I love it when FB does that kind of amazingness! So I stay. I just need to remember who controls this relationship!
You read my mind. I’ve often wondered about quitting Facebook, but then I wonder how will I see all the photos or catch up with my friends or family who live far away. Another concern is that I love some Facebook pages (faith, health, arts & crafts) but their websites are very different than their Facebook page. Maybe I do need a break in order to decide if i need a break up.
Did you ever take a break to see if you needed to break up? I just have to be super vigilant to make sure I use FB and it doesn’t use me.
I have been thinking about doing the same thing. My problem is I love reading the posts from groups that I follow that I wonder how I can still get their posts. I subscribe to the website of most of the people I follow so I get their webpage update but I’m afraid I will miss the conversation with the others. Any suggestions are welcomed.
I don’t have any suggestions, but I do relate and especially with access to homeschool groups.
I know, me too. Again, I mentioned in the comments above and through trial and error I’ve had to be super vigilant about who runs the show, me or Facebook. A good indicator for me is if a lot of my sentences begin with, “I saw on Facebook today…” I may be spending too much time over there.
I took a break from FB also!!! I am slowly getting back (as I have to for work) but I’ve turned off all notifications, so I am not suckered in every few minutes to “look” at something someone has posted. Good description. FB has also distracted me from doing what I should have been doing, so I’ve put my foot down to that now. Blessings – you are not alone!
Yes! Yes! I believe turning off all notifications is crucial and taking it off our phone.
Your post couldn’t come at a better time. I have started to down size my friend list and have been seriously thinking of leaving all together.
Downsizing was a great place to start for me. And a continual purge is good. Just to keep things tight.
Since I have never “done” Facebook, I really didn’t understand much of what you were talking about, Jenny. And, it makes me happy to know that! Seems a lot of people are fed up with FB. Just another distraction, it seems, and one that I don’t need!
Oh boy, Facebook is a two edged sword. If it weren’t for The Littlest Way, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have a Facebook account.
I love this, Jenny! I think many of us feel very similarly. I am off of FB for awhile, contemplating leaving altogether. I have felt so empty when I am there, and I even try to only fill my feed with good, faith-based things. But something unwelcome always creeps in … I long for real connection, and I am coming up short on FB. Thank you for sharing this! God bless you!
Thank you for this!!! This sums up my thoughts !!! I am on a self-imposed FB hiatus because FB was occupying too much of my time and, in my honest opinion has become very nasty. I guess my 16 year old was on the right track…she deactivated her profile a while ago, after deciding that it was too much drama going on.
Yes! It’s the creepy things that always get me! They take me totally off guard and I’m like, “Really?!?! I was being so careful!”
Great post. I have not looked at FB in over 3 years! It was a distraction I did not need. It led me down a path that caused a lot of pain to someone close to me. People often look at me with incredulity, you don’t do Facebook??? No, and I am still alive, well, and better for it. Thank you for sharing
I love this Anna–yes, still alive and well. Proof it can be done right!